Blog - emmaMCCANN

Apr

2024

Pleasure Is

PLEASURE IS THE PORTAL TO RADIANCE, LOVE, ABUNDANCE.

And no-one has taught us how to access it. No-one has taught us how damn important pleasure is for our self care, as a vital part of who we are and how we live our lives.

As a result, we often end up in this place where pleasure is the LAST thing on our list. It’s the thing we keep putting off. The thing that comes after we’ve done stuff for everyone else and ticked off all the shoulds – if at all.

And by that point you’re often drained. There’s little left in the tank and the tv sounds wonderful (but not netflix and chill – *that* requires too much energy).

PLEASURE is such a phenomenal tool. It takes a women from feeling the joy has been sucked out of life into a space of feeling turned on towards life.

PLEASURE may not be what you think. It’s likely to be so much simpler than you can appreciate.

Pleasure may be SO FAR from your reality because you’re literally swimming through massive waves trying to keep up, but I’m telling you, in fact, I guarantee, that with a little bit of pleasure something will lighten. The waves will lessen or your swimming skills will be stronger.

PLEASURE is the tool that stops us getting caught up in a cycle of drama and only talking to each other about the shit in our lives.

PLEASURE means we have more room to celebrate, to want to know about the good things in life rather than relating from the shitty stuff in life.

PLEASURE wasn’t taught to us by our Mothers (unless you were a courtesan then it literally was passed down the lineage) nor by our aunts, teachers, friends, and often not even by our lovers.

BUT IT IS TAUGHT BY ME. Because I see a gap. I see a need. I literally see that pleasure is the missing link. The thing that pulls everything together and makes life doable. Heck, not just doable, but fun, and well, pleasureable.

Feb

2024

How to make valentine’s day meaningful for even the most begrudging of participants

Over my lifetime I’ve seen people who adore Valentine’s day and see it as an absolute must-do opportunity for romance and those who don’t vibe with it because it’s a date that’s ‘telling’ them when to do things and is therefore meaningless. I’ve also seen it despised as corporate money making capitalist BS.

No matter where you are in these, there’s also another option, and that is an opportunity for you to create a tradition that supports the health of your relationship without having to do anything corny nor buy anything if you don’t want to.

The history of Valentine’s day dates back many centuries before Hallmark capitalised on it with their cards in 1913. Beginning possibly as early as 270ce, there was a tradition to honour and celebrate people named Valentine who had done great works. Around the 14^th century it began to be associated with love. The internet records the first valentine was sent in 1477 – a love letter.

Regardless of the evolution of the day and how you or your partner/s have traditionally experienced it, you can use valentine’s day to the advantage of your relationship by focusing on some simple romantic ideas (remembering that romance isn’t all chocolate hearts and flowers) and making time for connection.

Valentine’s day can benefit your relationship when you choose to use it an opportunity to create connection.

We know that ‘turning towards’ i.e. making time for and responding to our partners reinforces the health of the relationship, to the extent that this is an excellent predictor of whether relationships will last, so using this strategy of making time for each other through meaningful connection means you’ve got nothing to lose and lots of potential.

Here’s 5 ideas for how you can make the most of valentine’s day without engaging in capitalism:

Create a new relationship ritual. Rituals are meaningful behaviours you repeat over time. A ritual might be agreeing to a Friday night date night in (at home is great, it doesn’t have to be out), blocking out time for a weekly five minute check-in, exercising together, share 5 things you appreciate about each other, set aside some regular touch to give each other, like a weekly or fortnightly massage, or agree on some daily device-free time you can share together.

Do a relationship check-in. This is where you would take stock of what you love about your relationship and the areas you’d like to see some changes made. Be careful when communicating the latter to use ‘I’ statements and focus on solutions so this doesn’t dissolve into finger-pointing. Ensure you finish on the good things such as sharing 5 things you appreciate about each other.

Connect with each other in a new way. This could be something like the 6-second kiss, eye-gazing, having a bath together, starting a yoga practice (at home or at a studio), making a meal together and talking through it, a date night in, holding hands, setting yourself a fun ‘challenge’ like some kind of connection for the next 5 days. Leave a love note for the other person to find, or run them a bath. This is romance in action.

Share the memory of when you first got together. Research shows that couples who talk fondly about their relationship story aka how they got together are more likely to stay together. So sit down and share how it all started, even if you’ve heard it a thousand times before. Perhaps there’ll be something new you’ve never heard before.

Book a future date night. Choose something you want to do, find a date and book it. Now you’ve got a date night scheduled and something to look forward to.

Above all, have fun. Don’t overthink it. Let it be something that would be meaningful to each of you while making it doable.

Apr

2023

Gluten free hot cross buns

If you’re a gluten-free baker you know how hard it is to get a soft fluffy result that holds together. I’ve tested many recipes, made adjustments and finally, I’ve mashed together a recipe that actually works.

We don’t bake like this very often anymore. We mostly do paleo-style baking. So these occasions are even sweeter (and the tired effects after the flour are more obvious).

To make 9 smaller buns

2 cups/ 280g gluten free plan flour
1 teaspoon xanthum gum
5/8 cup/ 75g tapioca starch/arrowroot flour
1/3 cup/80g rapadura/coconut/raw sugar
1 tablespoon/9g instant dried yeast
1 teaspoon/4g cream of tartar
3/4 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
zest of 1 lemon
zest of 1 orange
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
3/4 cup/180ml warm milk of choice (we use whatever is on hand or I whip up a batch of cashew milk on the spot)
1 smaller egg (50g) plus one yolk at room temperature
115g butter unsalted cause you’ve already got enough salt in here
3/4 cup sultanas or other dried fruit such as currants or raisins

Cross – if using
1 tablespoon gluten free flour
1 tablespoon water – amount will vary depending on your flour blend. You want a runny paste to dribble over your proved buns.

Glaze
1 tablespoon sugar dissolved in 1 tablespoon warm water. Add more water if needed.

Buns

Using a mixer with paddle attachment (or Thermomix) mix dry ingredients together until mixed through.
Add zests and mix that goodness through.
Add wet ingredients and beat medium speed until smooth and uniform in colour. Should be very thick. Not gloopy. Watch your thermie here (if using).
Add sultanas and mix through (use reverse if using Thermomix).
Cover dough and leave to rise for 45 minutes. It won’t rise much to the eye. While rising get your baking tray ready. You don’t need me to tell you what to do here. You know how to make these babies lift off easily.
Divide dough into 9 even pieces. Using tapioca flour to dust, work each piece into a tight ball place on tray in a 3 x 3 grid 5 cm apart.
Second rise time. Everyone says to cover with oily cling wrap. That’ll hurt the earth. So grab a floppy silicon mat or a tea towel, cover them buns and pop them somewhere were heat can do their work. Maybe 45 minutes if it’s actually warm and heaps more if it’s cool. If you’re desperate pop your oven at 40 degrees and use that. You want get double the size like gluten ones, but half again is a good guide.
After proving brush your glaze over the top of the buns.
Now dribble that cross mixture on if you’re crossing them. Don’t worry about the mess unless your inner perfectionist is running the show.
Bake at 170 degrees for 25 minutes.

Put your patient hat on and wait til they won’t burn your mouth to eat them. Slathered with butter or jam or whatever you do at your house.

Mar

2023

What did you learn about life and being a woman from your Mother?

When we ask women about their top five most influential women, quite often their Mother or Grandmother makes their list.

This might come as no surprise since we spend an incredible amount of time with our Mother. We learn so much about life, our cultural context, and how things are done, like the family version of spaghetti bolognese and how to apply mascara from our Mums.

We can look quite easily at tangible things like making our beds, opening bank accounts, and choosing matching clothes and see the influence of our Mother in how tidy we keep our rooms and where we bank. We learn, just by being present on trips to the grocery store or markets how to buy food. We learn by being included in the kitchen how to cook. And we learn through observation how to wear heels and jewellery.

The environment we grow up in becomes our ‘normal’ and what we subconsciously recreate. This goes much further than these tangible things like whether we make our bed or not. It includes how we understand ourselves in our broader cultural context, and how we see or even experience ourselves as women.

If I asked you to tell me one thing you’ve learnt from your Mum you’d probably tell me some kind of life advice, something like “Never underestimate the power of a hand-written thank you note” or maybe “Never give up, there’s always another way” – something I often say to my own children. And maybe you’d bring up a quality like being kind.

If we look at social media, there is an emphasis on perfection. The perfection of both our appearance and our life. If we, as women are to understand ourselves and what we are supposed to be like to fit in from an arena like this we would get a particular idea. From a magazine we might get a different idea of what it is to be a woman, though it might overlap with social media. And similarly if we look at movies there might be a stereotype for woman operating there that reinforces what we’re learning about women from other areas.

So what are these things you might have learnt from your Mother about being a woman?

Consider the following points and how they’ve influenced your view of yourself and other women:

What were her opinions about herself and her body? Did you hear and thereby learn self-loving ways to view yourself and your body, or self-loathing ones? Or perhaps nothing?
What were her opinions and/or judgements about other women? How did she talk about other women? And about men?
What was her role in your household? Was there an even split of household tasks between all members of the house? Or did she do most of the work? If yes to this latter point was this something she spoke up about, felt like a victim over, or did she love being a ‘homemaker’?
Did she ‘dress up’ to go out or to work? How was her hair and makeup done? And what was her intention in doing that? Was this done out of love for herself, or because that’s just the way things are done these days, or something in between?
What was her stance on body hair removal and why?
How did she respond to conflict, especially with her coparent or spouse?
How were her needs expressed to you? Did you observe her doing self-care? How has this influenced your capacity to ask for what you need and make gentle or slow time for yourself?
What did she share with you about your ‘lady parts’? Are your lady parts and your menstrual cycle sacred and special, or are they an unspoken part of you or even something to be ‘careful’ about in case they get you ‘in trouble’?
What did you observe and learn from her about physical intimacy with others?
Was she always available to help others, even to the detriment of herself?
Was your Mother confident about who she was/is and what she offers the world, or has her value been determined by other factors, like a tidy house, body image, success in the workplace or perhaps how available she is for other people?

As you consider these, it’s important to keep in perspective that we’ve all learnt layers of things from the people around us and that we live in a broader cultural context that holds certain behaviours and activities as ‘normal’. As an example, a current social norm for women in the society that I live in includes the removal of body hair. What this means is that when we see women who aren’t doing these that difference may be obvious and uncomfortable to us.

Consider what this might have been in the 1950’s in a western culture: Women were homemakers and it was understood to be good to have dinner on the table for your husband when he came home, and for you to look good while you did it. Imagine how different the messages about being a woman you would have learned then would have been.

With our changing society, women experience an increasingly broad number of rights and choices and we are choosing uniqueness in a range of different ways. Sometimes the things we have learnt about being a woman affect not only our opinions and feelings about ourselves, but also about others. So consider, not only the impact on how you as a woman understand yourself from what you learnt from your Mother, but how does that impact the way you see other women and interact with them.

We will have learnt things that are both hugely helpful and things that may feel restrictive or limiting. Remember that by looking at what we’ve learnt, what our ideas are, we can then choose to see things a different way, or even realise that the way we see or feel about something is actually not our in line with our own values.

In other words, we can choose to rewrite any element of our story about being a woman that isn’t working for you and keep the parts we love.

Feb

2023

Pleasure is a form of freedom

Pleasure is freedom.

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Because pleasure is mindful.

Pleasure is intentional.

Pleasure is intuitive.⠀⠀⠀⠀

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And to be in a state where you’re mindful, intentional and engaged with your intuition brings you directly into THIS MOMENT here. NOW.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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And in this moment there is freedom. Freedom from the past. Freedom from the future.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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Pleasure is truly about inhabiting NOW in a way that fills you. It doesn’t require fancy anything (though sometimes your pleasure will ask for that).⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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It requires only a mindset shift.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

One that has you knowing that any moment can be YOUR moment.

And that is freedom.

Oct

2022

How to live aligned with your values

Feeling lost, directionless, empty and unhappy are symptoms of not living a life aligned with your values.

Values are often misrepresented as morals or ethics, when really, at the heart of it they are core things that are important to us. So important they form the cornerstone our integrity, especially to integrity self. Values drive our decisions, actions, rituals and traditions. They create a foundation for our lives so that we’re acting in alignment with the things that are truly important to us.

Because of the way values influence our decisions, values create direction. For example, having a value of community could create the drive for someone to participate in a community event. Having ‘family’ values means that you place an emphasis on your family so you’d probably spend a lot of quality time with them. Having values around health would probably mean you’d skip that extra piece of cake and go for a walk.

And while all this sounds pretty straightforward, things can go amiss when the values we’re living by aren’t actually the ones that are important to us.

See, we don’t always arrive at our own values. Sometimes we have inherited values from our families and from society or culture. And these don’t always reflect the real ‘us’. So you might have taken on board your parent’s values of having ‘nice’ things which drives you to consume. This is great if it works for you. But if you like a simple life with an emphasis on family, the drive to acquire nice things or keep things nice could be taking you away from what you truly love and value: Your family.

Having values that we aren’t living by creates disharmony in our lives. We’re saying we value our family but instead of spending time with the kids we’re on Facebook and emails and chatting on the phone. Or we value self-care but don’t actually create the time for it to happen.

Knowing what your values are and living them creates harmony and happiness that extends through all facets of your life. Knowing your values and living them creates direction. Values support your decision-making when you ask yourself ‘Is this aligned with my values?’

To determine the values that are important to you and begin to live them try these simple steps:

Write another list of values that are important to you. Add as many values as you can think of. If you’re not sure where to start you can print a list from Google and cross off the ones that don’t suit you and go from there.
Looking over your list identify your top 5-7. The values that really sit at the core, the ones that are perhaps non-negotiable.
Have a look at how you actually live your life and write another list of the values that drive those actions.
Compare your lists noting values that are on both lists, values that are important to you that you aren’t acting on and values you are acting on that aren’t important to you.
See where you can change your actions to reflect your actual values. You might like to do this as a brainstorm or mind map around each of your core values.
Consider the values you were living by that aren’t reflected in your core values and ask yourself how these could change to reflect your core values.
Start implementing!

Sep

2022

Kinbaku/shibari or Japanese knot tying. A short explorative history.

One of my uni lectures this session was on kinbaku/shibari.

It has evolved massively from the basic knot tying it once was…. as in tying a belt etc.

It was then used by the Samurai as a torture technique, binding their enemy to restrain them.

Where it came more into mainstream knowledge was through its use in performances by Kabuki actors . The acted out folklore at a time when the population was illiterate. It was how they told their stories. Kabuki theatre at the time only had male actors. The knot tying created features on the male body to represent the female body.

It was here that it became eroticised and began to make it’s way into Japanese adult media, particularly in magazines.

Those features are where we have the closest link to how it’s often how used today as an er.otic practice particularly on the female body, accentuating already existing features.

Through it’s evolution, the thread of ‘restraint’ of the model/muse was part of the practice. It was very tied up in (haha see what I did there) submission of the model. It became popular in Japanese S&M publications in the 50’s. And became a very common feature in art and for bon.dage play.

Today it is particularly common within kin.k and BD-SM circles and the person being tied often moves into a meditative state. There is a lot of ritual and surrender involved when done in a mindful consenting way.

There are cautions however. Circulation to be cut, breathing can be significantly impacted depending on the position a person is tied into and nerves to be damaged -sometimes permanently – due to the pressure of the ropes (whether from being tied too tightly or extra pressure when suspended) and so safety and continual checking of the muse is essential in respectful and safe practices.

If you want to try this practice I would absolutely recommend attending a training or having a session with someone who is qualified and can teach you to ensure safety.

Jul

2022

FOR THE WOMAN WHO WANTS IT ALL

You’ve seen my work, my stories

You know how I roll.

With deep INTEGRITY

living life both out loud on full volume

and in gentle NOURISHING mindfulness.

For the woman who wants to shift the shame

the blocks

the shit

that has been carried for too long.

For the woman who’s

had ENOUGH.

Who doesn’t want to stand in her OWN WAY any more

who wants to be her own best CHEERLEADER

in full faith and certainty of self

with 100% BELIEF in herself

and UNWAVERING LOVE for self.

This woman who wants it all

doesn’t want the timid toe dip

she’s DONE being a WALLFLOWER

She’s ready to go ALL IN

knowing there’s going to be discomfort

and CHOOSING the REPLENISHMENT,

INVIGORATION and RESTORATION

that come from leaning in, staying,

from holding the energy

learning to BE in the CHAOS.

This woman who wants it all

wants to lift the lid on her life

her PLEASURE

in ways she maybe can’t even fully COMPREHEND are possible.

But deep down inside knows it’s POSSIBLE

SHE KNOWS.

This woman who wants it all

doesn’t just want to SHIFT the SHIT in her life

she’s a BREAKER OF CHAINS for her family

and wants the stuff that happens between the sheets

to be the HOTTEST

and most CONNECTED

and most SATISFYING

it’s ever been.

This woman is READY.

NOW.

If this woman is you

and you really are ready…

NOW…

Jump in, making a big splash

will get you EVERYTHING I offer for the next 12 MONTHS

All my courses

classes

and workshops

My MASTERMIND

All my ebooks and meditations

Plus fortnightly one on one sessions.

For a whole year.

It’s an immersion

IN YOUR POWER

and your PLEASURE

like NOTHING

you’ve EVER done before.

And I GUARANTEE

that if you show up for the work

you’ll EXPERIENCE pleasure

like you NEVER HAVE BEFORE.

A 12 month immersion for you
if you’re desiring the deepest dive
you’ve ever had
fully supported
fully held.

By application only.

Jun

2022

What does mentorship offer us?

What does mentorship mean to you? Where do you sit with letting yourself be seen and held? Where does your capacity to receive lie?

I’ve committed to several long term mentorships over the past few years.

These have included about a year with Josea Tamira Crossley one of the best somatic and trauma release mentors you will EVER have on your team. My work with Josea was a saving grace. It was everything I needed at the time. I will forever be grateful for her and the way she showed up for me. She gave me the skills to move beyond those times I was a potential danger to myself, to support myself and a belief in myself began to grow. She showed up for me in a way that reprogrammed that part of me that expected abandonment. Honestly, honestly, this woman. The integrity that she lives with. Just wow.

I’ve done 6 months with Johanna Parker, specifically choosing her for her blend of counselling and business coaching skills. I needed support with the specific push back from my nervous system that was triggered by marketing. I wanted to be able to show up differently in my business. With more power. I had to constantly hold myself and my nervous system and lean into the expansion. It was work with constant internal push back and constant frustration from me for not being able to create more business momentum. Jo kept holding me through that, pointing out all the ways I had grown and supporting me to recognise all the ways my nervous system was pushing back so we could find a place where the work could happen without the nervous system freak out. It was work that was full of lessons about capacity and I will forever be grateful.

Last year I spent 9 months with Tamala Ridge in her detox program and then her mentorship program going further into the realms of spirituality and subconscious and getting an EFT qualification. Thsi work changed my relationship with food and gave me a deeper appreciation of my power. The deepening into mindfulness, the virtues project and EFT will all remain with me forever.

I’m currently working with Anita Bentata for a second time, this time in a year long container looking at epigenetics, energy management and neural plasticity and we apply this to a whole bunch of life areas. It’s my experience, witnessing my expansion and growth over the past few months that this work, this container has been like a catapult on the trajectory of my recovery, building on everything else I’ve done, integrating even more. And then popping on the turbo button. Anita has supported me in all areas of my life and her generative statement are the freaking bomb. I received permission from her to teach them, and so I now share them with all my clients and they LOVE them too.

I’ve seen my current therapist for longer than I’ve had children. She witnesses me and now that my nervous system is stronger and my ego less active, she also challenges me. She frames things for me in ways I can’t always see for myself. I now have the personal solidarity that if what she frames doesn’t feel quite right I can easily ask for clarity or express my sense that it’s off the mark and we go back and forth. Witnessing this growth in capacity where I can ‘challenge’ (lovingly) within this setting has shown me my growth. EMDR with her and a previous therapist interstate have been one of the most profound tools for my recovery. I also use this space for my own ‘supervision’ which is a common practice within mental health practitioners.

I’m also currently working with Kelly Moriarty and have signed up for 9 months in her mastermind. This suits me so unbelievably well because I constantly have kids around and I don’t have to do any calls. I get all the courses she offers during my mastermind time which means I can receive her magic in different ways while picking and choosing what I need. In this work I’m moving deeper into an aligned business, building the ‘strategy’ so I can ‘scale’ and supports thousands of people to shift the shame outta s.ex and the guilt out of pleasure.

So what do *I* think of mentorship? I dig it. I’ve pushed beyond previous limits in even letting myself have it. And now, it’s a support mechanism, but also a deliberate expansion technique.

Being immersed in the energy of someone who embodies what we want for ourselves can help us tune into that next level embodiment.

Mentorship – the pathway of supporting us to lead ourselves.

Nov

2021

Never Been Here Before

I’M DOING MY BEST TO SHOW UP FOR EVERYTHING IN LIFE. BUT THE TRUTH IS, SOMETIMES I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT I’M DOING.

There, I said it.

Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing.

Like absolutely no freaking idea.

And that’s ok.

Cause honestly, I’ve never been a Mum to a 9 and 7 year old before.

I’ve never been in a relationship with the same person for 15 years before.

I’ve never been 41 before.

I’ve never had a business that earns as much as this one does.

I’ve never mastered reels.

I’ve never navigated homestay orders while a virus dictates government decisions.

I’ve never had to wear all the hats I do now, in the way I do now.

I’ve never before taught yoga and felt really truly deeply good at it.

I’ve never before felt this way.

I’ve never had this many tools.

I’ve never had the level of recovery I do today.

I’ve never ever been right here, in this moment that is now ever, ever before.

NEVER.

There’s a lot of firsts happening right now.

Some of them full of joy.

Some uncomfortable.

Some downright painful.

Some are just well, you know, whatever.

All of them offering me something should I choose to take a mindset that allows that.

I’m not beating myself about this sometimes not knowing what I’m doing thing. Because honestly, like I’ve just said, I’ve never been here before. Never.

How could I have? Here has never even existed before. And I’ve never been this me before this moment.

And that’s the thing. We gotta keep meeting ourselves where we are, with what we’ve got. Meeting life and our relationships with what they’re presenting, with the best of what we’ve got.

And so sometimes, when we don’t know what we’re doing, that’s absafuckinglutely ok.

So, if you’re feeling like this too sister, I see you. I got you. And if feeling like this is messing with your head I invite you to connect at emma@emma-mccann.com